if you want to learn to cope with
the otherness of lovers.
Otherness is not always neglect –
Cats return to their litter trays
when they need to.
Don’t cuss out of the window
at their enemies.
That stare of perpetual surprise
in those great green eyes
will teach you
to die alone.
Summary and Analysis of Advice to Women
"Advice to Women" by Eunice de Souza is a succinct and impactful poem that offers a feminist perspective on relationships and self-worth. Through its concise lines, the poem imparts wisdom on how women should navigate love and emotional entanglements with men. The advice is practical and emphasizes self-reliance, self-respect, and emotional independence.The poem opens with the line, "Keep cats," which sets a tone of independence and self-sufficiency. Cats are often seen as symbols of independence and self-reliance, traits that the poet suggests women should emulate. This line immediately indicates that the advice given will encourage women to seek fulfillment and contentment within themselves rather than solely through relationships with men.
De Souza then advises women to observe how cats deal with loss and change, hinting at the transient nature of relationships. Cats, when faced with change or the loss of their owners, adapt and continue with their lives. This metaphor encourages women to accept the impermanence of relationships and to develop resilience in the face of emotional upheavals.
The poet continues by suggesting that women should not rely solely on their partners for emotional fulfillment. This advice is encapsulated in the line, "Let him go if he wants to." It underscores the importance of respecting a partner's autonomy and maintaining one's own dignity and self-worth, even if it means letting go of a relationship.
De Souza's advice is rooted in a realistic understanding of relationships. She acknowledges that emotional pain and heartbreak are inevitable but emphasizes the importance of self-preservation. By comparing relationships to a temporary arrangement rather than a permanent fixture, she encourages women to maintain their sense of self even within romantic entanglements.
The poem also touches on the theme of self-care. The line "Learn to take care of yourself" is a straightforward yet powerful reminder that self-care is essential for emotional well-being. De Souza suggests that women should cultivate their own interests, hobbies, and passions, thereby ensuring that their happiness is not solely dependent on their romantic relationships.
De Souza's advice is pragmatic, encouraging women to adopt a balanced approach to love and life. She urges women to embrace their independence and to value themselves outside the context of their relationships. This perspective is a stark contrast to traditional notions of romantic love, which often emphasize self-sacrifice and dependency.
The poet uses a conversational tone throughout the poem, making her advice feel personal and direct. This tone helps to convey a sense of camaraderie and shared experience among women, reinforcing the idea that the wisdom imparted is born out of lived experience and collective understanding.
De Souza's advice is also a critique of societal expectations placed on women. By encouraging women to seek fulfillment beyond their relationships, she challenges the traditional notion that a woman's worth is tied to her ability to maintain a romantic relationship. This critique is subtle but powerful, advocating for a broader and more inclusive understanding of women's identities and capabilities.
The poem concludes with a reaffirmation of the central theme: self-reliance. The final lines emphasize that women should not allow their identities to be subsumed by their relationships. Instead, they should cultivate a sense of self that is independent and resilient, capable of withstanding the ups and downs of romantic entanglements.
"Advice to Women" by Eunice de Souza is a succinct and powerful poem that offers practical and empowering advice to women on navigating relationships and maintaining self-worth. Through vivid metaphors and a conversational tone, de Souza encourages women to embrace their independence, practice self-care, and maintain their sense of self even within romantic relationships.
The poem is a feminist critique of traditional gender roles and societal expectations, advocating for a more balanced and self-reliant approach to love and life.
